czy_86

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22nd-Aug-2009 11:28 pm - For THe 1 LasT Time!

didnt eat for the whole of today...by the time i ate dnr...i didnt have any appetite...n my gastric started feeling uncomfortable...

haiz...i think is time to say bye bye to this blog...it has served me well for the past 3 years...records of all my emotions...ups n downs...happy and unhappy moments...but perhaps it is time to move on...as much as i m reluctant to do so...i must try...so that i can concentrate on other stuffs...taking a break is good...

this will be my last entry...i m not sure if i will decide to have another blog one day...but as of now...i think it is enough...blog has allowed me to express myself freely...but at the same time...it has also killed and taken away 1 big part of my life...

to all my faithful readers: thank you...take care... :)

Mood:sad

22nd-Aug-2009 11:01 pm - DeaD Hp~

i dun see the purpose on switching on my hp animore...n i purposely switched it off...bcus i dun think there is anione who needs to contact me...since i will probably b at home most of the time...maybe it is an act of avoiding...but perhaps is a way to help me...every sms makes me feel so contented...n i m waiting for all these smses to come in...but somehow at the back of my mind...i know that it wouldnt come in...

there is nothing much that i can do...bcus i m suppose to start afresh...n find back what it used to b...but i need to take things slow...otherwise, things will become complicated again...

i m really very tempted...so so so tempted...

is just the want to kind everything is safe and sound kind of feeling...just like making sure that your baby is fine...

how long will i take to fill up the emptyness in me...in the past, it took me 6 months to fight for what i wanted...i really hope that it would be much shorter this time round...for it is the path that i chose..i will have no complaints...i will walk it thru...no matter for good or for bad...

as of now...focus is on my driving...

Mood:blah

22nd-Aug-2009 10:39 pm - NeVeR EnDiNg RoaD~

the journey home has never been so long and tedious...it just seems like no matter how i walk...i never reach my destination...

purposely took a different route...but in the end,i still made a detour...just to do a lil check...standing from a lil corner trying to peep...to make sure that everything is safe and sound...before i continued my journey...

was feeling so scared on my wae back...it was as though there were so many people flashing across my eyes...

but i still made it back home...hiding in my lil space...

be strong in my mind and my heart...n i will eventually be fine...

Mood:scared

18th-Aug-2009 03:47 pm - PasT 3 yEaRs~

was feeling a lil bored...so i decided to read back all my old blog entries...n i started becoming so emo...

for the past 3 years...there were unlimited flow of events and activities...so much so that i think my life is quite empty now...

it started off with a dilemma of whether to go to nus or ntu for my uni education...most of my poly frenz went to ntu...but ultimately i still went to nus...part of the reason was bcus i wanted to experience hall life...n xy was in hall...so i tot it wasnt a bad idea to b neighbours with a familiar face that i have known for years...must realli thank her for bringing me into hall...n it realli changed my life...

in yr 1...i didnt realli know anyone...came into hall alone...n thanks god...i made a very good friend...which is chiwawa...she was like 1 big part of my life in yr1...w/o her...things wld have been so different for me...until now, i can still rmb all the small lil things dat we did tgt...at the end of yr 1...i devoted my time to rag...in the process...i gotten myself a bf...

came yr 2...things changed...i became a senior...then every sem started with frequent trips to the airport and popeye chicken...haha...bcus quite a few of them went on exchange...n there were a series of send-off sessions...in that yr...i tried running for jcrc...n i was working on my r/s...then everything changed...when i decided to step up as a rag chairperson...so it was like 2nd time doing rag...

then in yr 3...i tot i wld just b the phantom final yr and slack in hall...but i ended up heading the chingay committee...n i didnt realli participate in many of the hall events...which i eventually regretted...if i cld turn back time...i wld really join everything...wad's the most memorable part in my final year was all the time spent wif xian...think she realli made my final yr much more interesting...n perhaps that was what that drawn us closer...love all the impromtu trips to ginza...impromptu supper session...doing all the silly things session...as well as all the bitching session...my best ever final yr buddy...

every year...i wld have the same dilemma of whether shld i continue stayin in hall...from the not so supportive parents who wanted me to stay at home badly...to the very supportive and understanding parents who just allowed me to do anything that i wanted in hall...

every holiday...i wld b the one planning for holidae trips wif him...b it is to msia or to thailand...i realli enjoyed all the trips despite the ups and downs during the trips...from the not so loving bf...to a bf who dotes me more...to the i dunno wad happen or wad lies in the future r/s...still trying to work things out...but looking bad...i realised that we have always been quarreling ever since the 1st day we r tgt...perhaps the ratio of happi to unhappi time is 8:2...haha...

every time when i meet up with my frenz...there will be news update...like who and who got a new bf or gf...n things like who and who broke up...n when i was reading back my entries...i somehow lost a frenz who i alwaes hang out with...the entry was about how happi i was when he annouced that he was attached...but ever since then, the blog entries about us going out was countable with 1 hand...

i still very much enjoy the kind of life and freedom that i have when i was staying in hall...how i wished there cld be this one block in hall which is meant for the alumni...then i can have all the familiar faces as my neighbours...i want to stay tgt with xiu,faith,chiwawa,xian,blackie,kenning...

went back to hall last week...n i had so much memories of my life in hall...i saw chiwawa...n she just looked exactly like how she was in yr 1...the super super tiny her...n when she told me that she has a neighbour which was like aili...it brought back even more memories...how i wished i was a better senior last time...onli after leaving the place, then i missed being a super enthu senior...haiz...

y m i living in the past...i should move on already...i shld b looking into the future...but i dont dare to...bcus i dont want to move on alone too fast...but living in the past makes me feel like i m a detestable person...sometimes i m oso sick of seeing myself appearing too much in hall...but wad can i do...there r still ppl (not just 1 person) that i cared for in hall...if there is ever 1 day that the blk needs my help...i think i will still lend my helping hand...haha...maybe a bit kua zhang lahz...dun think i m so noble oso...but at least..i know that it is the ppl dat i cared for...

not really a fan of DND...in fact, i wld not go if i haf a choice lahz...somemore DND this yr clashes with my working schedule...may need to work...but i still want to attend DND...just to support this lil friend of mine...n it wld b a good chance to catch up with my good old friends...hehe...

shall stop here...if not it is never going to end...shall continue viewing the rest of my old blog entries... ;)

Mood:nostalgic

17th-Aug-2009 06:50 pm - OoOoverseas trip...where r u???

i so so so so so so so so want to go on a holiday...feel like going overseas to relax and have some fun...but sometimes it is not that easy to find a willing party to go overseas tgt...really looking forward to the end of the year... Mood:moody
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17th-Aug-2009 05:40 pm - MC!

i am officially on a 2 days MC...it has been a SUPER SUPER SUPER long time since i last took an MC...n it has been about 1 yr ago since i last visited the doctor...felt a lil bad that i am already taking MC barely 3months into my work...but it is not like something i want or i purposely pretend to be sick so that i can slack...somehow i have turned into a monkey!!! i m feeling like so itchy most of the time...the itch is so bad that i just feel like tearing off my skin!!!

this skin problem is back to haunt again!!! it havent relapse for quite some time already...not sure y is it like so serious suddenly again...there must b something that triggers it off...i shall and must figure it out!!!

it is quite costly to cure this skin problem...1 visit to the doctor costs me $88...the cream itself is already about $60...omg...should ask ah boy's sister to help me get the medicine lorz...since it is produced by their company...maybe i can get it at a lower rate or free...haha...money aside...i waited for like close to 2 hours to see a doctor...that's crazy...how can the waiting time to c doctor at a private clinic b almost equivalent to seeing doctor at polyclinic...omg...

aniwae, after seeing the doctor...i went to the hawker centre to buy lunch...it has been a long long time since i last stepped into the hawker centre..some of the familiar faces r no longer there...think there r quite a few new stores...but luckily my favourite stores r still there...while walking to the hawker centre...i felt so nostalgic...reminds me of the times when i wld pack nasi lemak for ah boy before i go back hall...realli miss doing that for him...but now with me working...wldnt have such chance to pack breakfast or lunch for him animore...haiz...

stayin at home is a good break for me...not doing anything...but just sleeping, watching tv, surfing net...i miss the times when i cld do all these freely lahz...all i can blame is myself...for not studying harder...for not being able to do honours...otherwise i will have 1 more year of student life...n i can stay in hall for another year...

Mood:sick

16th-Aug-2009 11:21 pm - TrYiNg~

i have been trying very hard to make things work...i have been trying very hard to make sure that everything is fine...but somehow problems still exist...so much so that at times i do not know how to handle...i must agree that i envy others easily...but i have already tried to surpress everything in my heart...i tried not to show it...but things r still not working...the problems may not lie with me...but it takes 2 hands to clap...

from an used to be happy r/s...it has evolved into a stressful r/s...stressful abt every small lil things...he is stressed abt the future of our r/s...n i m stress that he will be stress...for the past 1 month...it has been quite tiring for me...but i m still hanging in there...for wad reasons...i haf no idea...maybe i just love him too much to b willing to let go...

while i m trying so hard to handle my own r/s...i have other things to handle...it is definately not easy to work in a male dominated environment..n being the onli young lady at the place...it seems like my every move is being monitored...i cant even go out for a proper 1 to 1 meal with my male colleagues...bcus rumours fly like crazy...thus, as far as possible, i try to avoid...it is not that nice to hear things like going out with a younger boy, going out with a married man or worse still going out with just some random people...

need a break from life and from work...my body is breaking down...my skin has shown signs of allergy...so bad that my eyes r getting painful...i hope everything will be fine...it has been quite a long time since it last relapse...

i m just hoping the best for everything...

Mood:tired

16th-Aug-2009 10:21 pm - iKoI JaPaNeSe ResTaUrAnT ~

about 2 weeks ago, ah boy n i went to miramar hotel for jap buffet...ah boy has always wanted to go there to try the jap food...n i promised him b4 that i will bring him there 1 day...but somehow jus didnt have the chance...so when ah boy completed his internship...we decided to go there for a mini celebration...n must thank him for giving me the treat...hehe...

i cannot exactly what happened that day...too long ago...onli rmb that after eating the very sumptous lunch...we walked to great world city to shop...followed by shopping at orchard...think we visited ion that day...it was super super crowded...cldnt really shop...but i bought my iTouch that day...at quite a good deal...$388 for 8gb...comes with free hard case,soft case and the screen protector...think those 3 items r worth $100+...n i haf proudly downloaded hell kitchen into my iTouch...$2.99 for 1 game?? hmm...but worth it lahz...if not i wld b hogging ah boy's laptop whenever i go back to hall...haha...

i kind of miss the times when he was doing intern...i rmb i used to surprise him at his workplace...waiting for him like a silly girl...picking him up from work...i really enjoyed doing that...now that his intern is over...sch has started...we need to adapt to another kind of life...is definately not easy...i really prefer the times when we were both schooling or both working...1 working n 1 schooling is really tough...but i will try to make things work!!!

to faith liang: if u r reading this entry...i want to tell u dat i realli admire u...bcus u n bambi r still doing well..n u haf alrdy managed to survive thru for 1 year...*salute*...understand how u feel...the feeling of wanting to visit bambi in hall at times...but u cant...think we shall be the best of friends from now on...so that u n i can b a gang...bambi n ah boy can b a gang...n we can fight them!!!

Mood:good

10th-Aug-2009 07:06 pm - KRAVINGS~

RAG 09/10 is finally over...and somehow i felt like i lost a part of my life...have been helping the young ones out for the past 3 months...n now that everything has come to an end...it jus feel a lil empty...although it wasnt as bad as how i felt last year...

went back on friday evening to catch the preview...despite the fact that i was veri veri tired and slppy...i stayed up just to wait for the moment to walk the float to src...escorted the float with a bunch of familiar and unfamiliar faces...saw rizal directing the float remind me of how he helped me out with the same task last year...down at src...i just felt so helpless...bcus it was no longer my team...n i cld no longer tell the team what they r suppose to do...all i cld do was to b there to give them some form of morale support...

the competition was tough this year...kr was good...however, there were some other halls that were good too...this yr was indeed a performance that cldnt b missed...n finally, i had the chance to watch the whole performance from the spectator point of view...even though we didnt manage to clinch any rag awards this year...i m still proud of the raggers...bcus they managed to walk the path of creating something out of nothing...n to me, they r the true blur kr warriors....

i hope that all of them manage to learn something and gain something from the whole process...if a ragger feels that they have won this year...i feel sad for them...bcus they have not fully and truly understand the meaning behind rag...to a ragger, winning the chancellorshield doesnt mean much...bcus it is not an award that solely show the effort of the raggers...

doing rag twice have allowed me to experience the feeling of winning n losing...it also allowed me to truly understand what is rag all about...

it was a pity that ke7 didnt manage to sweep all the rag awards...i know that they have been waiting for veri veri veri long...n they really want it quite badly...n this yr...they have built a perfect float that incorporated all the winning concepts...n i know that they have been studying kr's winning float for the past few years...but to me, they r still the winner in my heart...bcus at least the whole process was done up by them...unlike XX who outsource part of their process to the professionals...n tried to smoke through as though it was done by them...it is a total disgrace to any raggers and to the spirit of rag...so disspointing...

i know that people alwaes say that it is time to move on...but somehow i think i left my love behind at that place...that's why i m alwaes back...i think i wld b the one who will take the longest to move on... :(

Mood:nostalgic

10th-Aug-2009 06:52 pm - eMpTy sHeLL

i havent been blogging lately...there r just so much things which i want to share...but i guess it is either i cldnt find time to blog or i m simply too lazy to blog...

reflecting back on my life for the past month...i think so many things have happened...so much so that i cldnt even find a proper time to rest and relax...n i have somehow lost my sense of direction...

am i leading life aimlessly not knowing what to do...or do i actually know what's happening...but it is just dat i refused to face with the problems...

work is getting more n more hectic...n i start to realise that i m more sway to the "dun like" part of the job...i start to feel like i m just a follower at my workplace...i cant voice out much...even if i can voice out...there is nothing much that i can do about it...

i miss the times when i m in hall...i have much more satisfaction as compared to now...sometimes i really feel like not doing anything...not finding a job...not contributing to the society...but that makes me just like another useless person...perhaps i need to really find a job that i like...but the qn now is...can i even stay in this job like 1-2 years...i think i can...but i just wldnt b happy...

it is about 2 and a half month into this job...how long more can i go???

Mood:depressed

10th-Aug-2009 06:48 pm - TunG LoK ~

2 weeks back...i went for a post-graduation dinner with my family...it was a pity that my da jie cldnt join us...bcus it was like a super last minute decision that we decided to go there for dinner...

but i was the one who bought them dinner...2nd sis's husband wanted to treat...but i dun feel good letting him treat lahz...n i hate it when my 2nd sis starts to @#$%^&*()_@#$%^&*()_...so even though he paid using card...i return him the $$ in cash...

being a tung lok fan...i really love the food a lot...it never fails me...

i m craving for more meals at tung lok!!!

21st-Jul-2009 09:11 pm - iNaGiKu ~

last friday...heaven and i went for a heavenly dinner at inagiku at raffles city....i have alwaes heard abt the place...but i have never been there...so glad that heaven actually brought me there...

heaven purposely picked the teppanyaki seat...so dat the "sua gu" me can look at how the chef cooks...n go WOWOWOWOWOWOWOW...

this is like the main chef or something...he is like damn zai lahz...n he actually did the fire thingy again so that i can take a photo...so nice lahz...

the sashimi is like damn nice...i dunno wad fish was that...wanted to eat yellowtail...but don't have...so they recommended this...which was like damn nice also...

followed by this prawn...damn damn damn nice... i really love this...the sauce is so special...super good...

my all time favourite...garlic fried rice...

the steak...omg...i love it too...very nicely cooked...not too raw and not too cooked...

i m still thinking abt the food lahz...haben had such a nice meal for a long long long time...n this was like one of the best meal i ever eaten...

and taddddaaaaa, the man who brought me there...

he said that he is good in many things...but he sux in photography skills...n i TOTALLY AGREE!!! the evidence is as follows:

nice catching up with heaven...time spent with him is alwaes so fun...

Mood:happy

14th-Jul-2009 08:34 pm - CoNvO WiTH LoVe ~

i cant wait to share these very heartwarming photos with everyone...

i believe my parents didnt expect that all their 3 daughters will be uni graduates...

n i m sure my parents waited damn long for my convo...

my convo is special...because other than my parents and my sis...i haf my sis's husband to celebrate with me...

my 2nd sis and her husband r very nice...they went to build-a-bear and made a graduate bear for me...n they bought me a bouquet of flowers w/ chocolates...love them...

this is my family...parents,1st sis, 2nd sis and i...i m not going to say all those cheesy stuff...but they r the most wonderful ppl that i can ever ask for...n i m glad that they r all there to celebrate my big day...

my parents...2nd sis and her husband...

my 1st sis had her convo in 2003...

my 2nd sis had her convo in 2004...

n here comes my convo...

in 2009...

btw, do my sis and i look alike???

a HAPPY family!!!

ending is another beginning...

with my commencement...

i m into my next phase of life...

starting a brand new chapter...

looking forward to a brighter future...

Mood:loved

13th-Jul-2009 09:12 pm - cOnVo cLaSs of 2009

i have finally graduated!!!

attended my convo yesterday...so i m now an official graduate!!!

before going for the ceremony, i wasnt excited at all...even when i was at the ucc...i didnt have any special feeling...to me, it was just an event that i had to attend...but i was seated in the ucc hall...there were so many thoughts running in my mind...

3 years of studies...passed so quickly...b4 even i cld realise appreciate its beauty...the beauty of studying...the beauty of being a student...how i wish i cld haf been more hardworking when i was studying...n i oso wished that i cld have scored better results...

few days back...i had the thought of furthering my studies...feel like taking up masters...n when i was at my own comencement ceremony...it jus reaffirm my thought of doing masters...i was wondering...my result is so lousy in uni...can i really do masters...i wish i cld haf the thought earlier...so that knowing there is a next phase to work towards...i wld study harder...

anyway, my convo is really very special to me..i felt super super love....n i haf loads of fun...

it is so special to me bcus i had my whole family with me...i felt it was even more heart-warming than both my sisters' convo...n for my convo...i had my sis's husband too...which makes it even more lively...

my sis and her husband came to my hse to send my parents and i to ucc...and guess wad...she went to build-a-bear to buy a bear for me...n she bought flower and chocolate for me too...i m realli realli touched...although we r not very close, i love her to bits lahz...she is so sweet and so nice...

my whole family was waiting for me after the ceremony...took so mani photos...n we were so so so tired...

another group of ppl that i MUST mentioned r my fellow hall mates...they r just like my family members too...think my convo wldnt be so fun if they didnt come...we took like damn a lot of photos too...i really love this ppl...bcus they r the ones who made a difference to my hall life...

thanks to all the ppl who came down...n all the ad-hoc photographers...u know who u are...

THANK YOU !!!

Mood:grateful

9th-Jul-2009 08:21 pm - pHeW~

i never imagine that i actually shared abt wad happened with someone who i m not very close to....
i didnt tell the person everything...
only shared bits n pieces of the story...
but we had a good conversation...
somehow it enlightens me...
but i felt even more lost...
dont know what is my next step...
but i felt so so so much more relieved...
bcus i have let out something which i surpressed so long in my heart...

the only face which takes away all my troubles...
the smile that made me smile too...

finally!